Going wild...

 Chapter four:

"When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?"

 My relationship with Mr. Big ended one day in early august...the last month of summer...I was in real pain and in denial for quite some time...and pain makes people do stupid things. We both made some mistakes along our time together, but I'm grateful for every moment I spend with him bad or good, easy or hard, I'm grateful. I learned a lot from my experience with Mr. Big...even if you'll think I'm crazy, I have to say I learned to love someone even if I hate him...the married couples will understand that one! 

I kept trying to find my way back up, I kept fighting but soon I ran out of tears and reasons "why" and I went rogue...I embarked a crazy ride that life prepared for me...

Towards the end of august I met an interesting guy in the most awkward way...I no longer wanted to meet any new guys, I just wanted to get on with my life...but he came into the picture in spite of my wishes. And he looked great, smelled awesome, he was darn good! I hated the universe that second I laid my eyes on him, for introducing me this nice, hot, smart guy...The awkwardness I was talking about earlier...well he just came and knocked at my door...literally, that's how I met him. That was like a psychological slap right in the face from life! He was looking for my dad...and I helped him find my father, 'cause he wasn't home...After he talked with my dad we spend some time talking...The funny part was that talking with him, I discovered that he was a friend of a friend... Such a small world...

I told him I had plans for the weekend, a few days to the sea with a couple of my friends...and I had a nice surprise when he told me that he had to go to the sea too, in that same weekend...I joked about that, and told him maybe we will find each other on the beach...

Saturday morning my friends and I went to the Black Sea...it never went through my mind that he will call me Saturday and ask where I'm staying just so he could pay me a visit...It was a pleasant surprise to hear his voice...I was aware that I was trying to hide from my pain in the idea of "him"... but still he was a darn good pain killer! He called me later that day to say he couldn't make it after all..and maybe will see each other another day...I was a little sad but that's life. Well he played a trick on me 'cause after a few hours he came to the beach and I was all smiles!!! We had a great time together, we went swimming, he held me tight...and he joked about not knowing how to swim!! It was a perfect day and a perfect getaway from life...After spending so much time on the beach, we went at the house where my friends and I were accommodated...to shower and get ready to go out for dinner. We all went out and searched for a place with good food and good service...Finally we found a restaurant, we stayed outside on the terrace and served dinner there...it was a nice hot night of summer...I can still remember after finishing dinner, we ordered a couple of drinks and my eyes went searching the surroundings, I spotted the doorman of the hotel across the street, he was chilling on the sofa staring at a big TV and after a few seconds he changed the channel to porn...I showed everybody and we laughed a lot!!! It was crazy, 'cause everyone that was walking on the street saw him looking at porn!!! 

After finishing our drinks we went for a walk along the beach, I was a little drunk but I felt grate, it was crazy...everyone was having a good time! I told him I wanted to stay up until morning so we can watch the sunrise together...We went at the house and everyone stayed up...drinks, music, games...it was brilliant...I will always remember the moment I grabbed a chair and I put it on the terrace..I turned the chair around and I sat down on it...I had my beer in my hand and he stood behind me and I felt his hands on my neck...he started to massage my neck, back, hands...It was the most incredible massage ever!! It lasted an hour and a half...and to my surprise I had two orgasms without sexual intercourse...amazing!!! That's why I named him Mr. Tender...He won his title...After that he took me in his arms and laid me on the bed and covered me with the blanket and sat next to me...

That morning I didn't get to see the sunrise...but I got something much better instead.

He made me feel beautiful again...and I thank him for that...in my storm he was the lighthouse that brought me home safely...It's true, one door closes but another one opens...

The weekend was over and I had to get back to my real shitty life...I wished I could stay there in that chair forever but...reality hit. I was back home and I realized that my pain didn't magically went away. I still thought about Mr. Big eleven hours out of twelve...but I had to go forward, that chapter of my life ended some time ago...

Next week Mr. Tender invited me to his place...and girls, we all know what an invite like that really means...and I said "yes"... I wanted to get away, to get to feel like I felt that night at the sea...And that day we made love and it was all I needed, to be loved...We showered together and I remember being embarrassed... he looked me in the eyes and kissed me. The next morning he made me breakfast...it was incredible...a guy I just met a week ago could make me feel that amazing.
In spite of everything we two didn't end up together but we remained friends till this day...

I can remember very well the next period of my life...

I started to spend time with a good friend...he knew about Mr. Big and my problems...and I started to look at him with different eyes. I told him that, and he told me he felt the same and in that moment something started between us...Even if he had a girl home I didn't mind...I wanted him and he wanted me...It was the beginning of a beautiful life by his side...as the other woman. I will never forget the first time we had sex. He was my guilty pleasure, I had the time of my life in his arms...we couldn't get enough of each other. Time passed us by and in spite of everything we found time for us, we were still crazy for each other...

We were two little horny bastards! He will forever remain in my memory as Mr. Horny! 

After some time, I started to have some strong feelings for him...I knew I was in love. I wanted more...more time together, more of him by my side...I wanted to scream to the world I was in love again but...I knew he couldn't be mine, another woman was there first...the irony... I couldn't change that, even if I wanted...I cried myself to sleep night after night...looking at the empty pillow next to me...and I wished he was there but he never was. I started to settle for less...I knew that every free moment he had he spend it with me...but still I wanted more...

I knew I couldn't live like that anymore and I couldn't ask him to throw his life away just to be with me, to be mine...and I started to let him go...bit by bit...It hurt a lot...and I'm sorry...but I will never regret a moment we spend together in those three and a half years...He was part of my life and I'm grateful for everything! 

"After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and reboot."

End of part four

xoxo